Later-life separation? Couples navigate emotional, medical, social hurdles

Crucial to understand, address intricate interplay between divorce & cognitive decline in aging populations, say doctors
A couple in their mid-60s recently began the process of separation when the husband started exhibiting signs of forgetfulness and was eventually suspected of dementia. Additionally, he was diagnosed with t uberculosis. While with the intervention of their children and other family members, the couple has decided to postpone their separation, these developments have created a complex situation in the household.
In another case that has landed up with a therapist, a husband in mid-70s and a wife in late 60s were living as a separated couple under the same roof on different floors for many years.However, the wife was diagnosed with dementia and a bone condition simultaneously last year, leaving the husband in a difficult situation. Despite hiring 24/7 assistance, he now finds himself reluctantly assuming the role of caregiver for a spouse with whom he has lost emotional connection.
Although grey divorces a re still rare in I ndia, doctors and social workers are increasingly finding cases where couples are caught in such complex emotional, medical, and social situations. “Navigating the complexities of ending a marriage later in life presents unique challenges, particularly when chronic diseases like dementia become a factor,” said Dr Anita Kumar, consultant geriatrician at Holy Family Hospital, Bandra.
Statistics indicate that dementia, a debilitating disorder that affects memory and cognitive function, affects approximately 10% of individuals o ver t he age of 65, with the prevalence in creasing to nearly 45% among those over 85. “It is, therefore, important to understand and address the intricate interplay between divorce and cognitive decline in aging populations,” said Dr Kumar. Having e ncountered the case of the first couple, she said that issues in later-life divorces may often stem from longstanding patterns of unhealthy behaviours, unresolved conflicts, or evolving personal dynamics.
“While therapy can be instrumental in navigating these challenges and resolving underlying hurts, the presence of ailments such as dementia massively complicates things,” Dr Ku mar added. Lawyer Mrinalini Deshmukh said that while grey divorces have seen some uptick in the country, the numbers are still not significant or anywhere close to the West. Although she has yet to encounter a case where dementia or any chronic condition led to a separation, she said that going ahead, there is a possibility that it could be cited as a health ground. In her experience, divorces in older adults are due to a variety of factors, including greater financial independence, changing attitudes toward divorce, and the desire for personal fulfilment in the later stages of life.
But as life expectancy gets better and societal norms continue to evolve, older individuals are increasingly seeking to pursue paths that align with their individual aspirations and well-being, said Prakash Borgaonkar, CEO, Aaji Care Sevak Foundation. He added t hat while not many of such cases end in divorces in India, more and more seniors are talking about unhappy marriages. “Caregiving is itself a very challenging role. But if it has to be given when there is no love between the individuals, it becomes a real tricky issue,” Borgaonkar said, adding that he has encountered quite a few unhappy spouses stuck in such situations.
“However, the best solution perhaps is family and community support,” he said.
A pan-India study last Feb had revealed that dementia is prevalent among an estimated 7.4% of seniors, or 8.8 million individuals, in India. This figure was notably higher than previous estimates, which had put the prevalence at 3.7 million in 2010 and predicted it would double by 2030. However, the new findings suggested that the number has doubled a decade earlier, underscoring the pressing need for better care and support for those living with this condition.